Our release

 ***Preface:  This post contains many of my personal beliefs.  I hope you won't be offended by the language I use.  I believe that some type of release like this would be useful to anyone who has gone through a pregnancy loss, whatever your belief system may be.  I feel like anything we can do that will bring a sense of closure, an event that we can look forward to and look back on (just like a funeral or memorial service is for those that have died) will help us through these difficult times.  I just wanted to share what we did to give some ideas of possibilities.***

Last night, we purchased blue and pink balloons to release up to our little ones.

After the kids were asleep, my husband and I got the balloons out.  We each had written a poem, and we shared those with each other.  It was interesting that although neither of us had shared what we were going to write, we both had decided to write to all of those we have lost, not just this last one.  We also both wrote of our hopes of meeting them someday.  I thought it was nice that we both ended up sharing similar sentiments even though we hadn't planned it that way.

We then closed these papers up in an envelope, taped the envelope to the balloon strings, and went out in our backyard.

It was so peaceful.  The sun was almost down, so the sky was dim enough to watch the balloons float away, but bright enough that we could see well.

We let the balloons go and watched them as they went up high into the sky.

We held each other and shared tears.  Just before the balloons were out of sight, I blew a kiss and waved goodbye.

It was exactly what I needed.  A beautiful, peaceful evening to say a final farewell to them and looking forward to meeting them someday.

Here is the poem I shared:

When I found out you were coming,
 My mind raced with imagining, with worry, with joy.

What will you look like?  What will you enjoy?

Will I be a better mother to you than I have been before?

Will your body be complete with ten fingers and toes, a strong heart and mind?

When I found out you were coming, I couldn’t wait.

When I found out I had lost you,

My mind raced with questioning, with worry, with sorrow.

What did I do wrong?  Am I being punished?

Should I have eaten something different? Or not taken that last pill?

How will I move on without you to hold?

When I found out I had lost you, I couldn’t breath.

When I think of you now,

My heart races with longing, with sorrow, with wishing.

I want to hold you. I want to look in your eyes.

I want to be the best mother you could wish for.

I want to watch you grow up and see the joy in your eyes at the world.

When I think of you now, I miss you.

When I think of someday,

My heart quickens with hope, with possibility, with anticipation.

Someday, I will look in your eyes. 
Some day, I will hold you.

Someday, I will know you.

When I think of someday, I find peace.