Last November, I wasn't really charting my cycles because we were NOT trying to get pregnant. I knew that I would get my period sometime before we left for our Thanksgiving vacation, but wasn't sure the exact date. When Thanksgiving came and went, I had the thought that I might be "late," but didn't really think much more about it.
However, a few days after we got home from our vacation, I noticed that my Psoriasis (a skin condition I have had for as long as I can remember) was disappearing. I thought this was strange since that really only happened when I was pregnant unless I was taking medication. Along with that, I had the strange experience of getting up in the middle of the night with our then 12-month-old (whom I had weaned about 4 months earlier) and in my half-awake state, proceeded to try and nurse him. Um, what?!? That was weird. . .I'm sure he was thinking the same thing--"what in the world are you doing, Mom?! You haven't done that for A LONG time!"
It was in that moment when I really woke up and realized what I was doing that I had the realization: I'M PREGNANT.
Without proof, I didn't want to jump the gun on my emotions, but of course, the rest of the night, I was awake worrying: "How far apart would my last one be from this one if I was really pregnant?" "How can I do this again when I feel like I'm just now becoming a a normal person again?" "Does this mean I'm going to need to start eating all of my allergenic foods again to help the baby not get my allergies?" "How in the world am I going to tell my husband when we both have decided together that we are DONE?" *sigh*
The next morning, I went and got a few pregnancy tests. I took one: 2 lines. Positive.
I went through so many emotions at that time: Anxiety, excitement, frustration, happiness, worry, elation. . .the list goes on. I figured out that I was probably due sometime in the first week of August 2012, and worried about that as well because we already have 2 kids born the first week of August. . .I thought, "how am I going to possibly give THREE birthday parties in one week when two is overwhelming as it is?!?
I don't know that I have had that many emotions in such a short period of time. Ever.
I kept the pregnancy to myself because I wanted to figure out the best way to tell my dear husband. . .I knew he would be happy and love our child, but I also knew that he was going to have mixed emotions just like I was having.
I knew that we would probably announce the pregnancy to my parents and close family at our family Christmas party after we had an ultrasound and knew that everything was alright. So, the night after I took the test, I stayed up late and typed out a poem. I wrote it from my last child's point of view, but telling everyone that although it was unexpected, Mommy and Daddy were happy to have another one; as I wrote, I was trying to convince myself that by the time we got to December, we really would be just feeling excitement instead of this roller coaster I was on at that moment. It was a great poem, but the computer crashed right after I wrote it and I lost it. . .maybe that was meant to be. *sigh*
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