The story of this blog

The story of this blog starts back in November of 2011.  My husband and I were blissfully happy to have the four children we had planned on: their ages were 6, 4, 2, and barely 1 years old.  As my pregnancies were very difficult, we were also very happy to be DONE having any more children, and to be able to just enjoy those we already had.

Right after Thanksgiving 2011, I found out I was pregnant.  Hopefully in a later post, I will write about that story, but suffice it to say, there were many, MANY different emotions at that point.  Shortly thereafter, I miscarried.  Again, many emotions that I hope I can get down as I continue to post on this blog.

Through the journey of having our other children, we had experienced two official miscarriages and another assumed one.  Each time, we dealt with the heart wrenching loss by trying again and having more children.  However, this time, we were DONE.  We didn't want to have more children; we were happy where we were at.

I went online to find out how others in my same position had dealt with the grief of miscarrying a child when they were done having children.  Apparently, every person in this position (although I found very few in the same position, admittedly), decided to go ahead and have another one even though they weren't planning on it originally; they decided that the best way to deal with the grief was to have another one.

My husband and I have decided differently; although we will celebrate if someday we have another unplanned pregnancy and we end up having a child (simply because we love children and believe that God will send those that are intended for our family), we are not planning on having any more.

This blog is to get down the emotions and thoughts of the last 7 months and work through them as I write, and also hopefully to be there for someone someday who might go through the same thing--a miscarriage after an unplanned pregnancy, and not planning on having any more children.

These emotions have come up again recently as I would have been due with the baby in a few weeks;  I now have to face that I am not only going to not be having a baby, but that I do not even have another possible pregnancy to look forward to and channel my energy into.

My husband and I have decided that the week I would have been due with the baby, we will have a symbolic "goodbye" to this child and to the idea of having another child in our family.  My hope is that I will have some closure from this hard experience, and be able to move on and celebrate the family that we do have.